Match Report -
This must be a joke!
By Mystic Eye

To the tune of March of the Gladiators the Celtic contingent tumbled and gambolled from the changing rooms and onto the pitch to play the second half of this pointless Cheshire Senior Cup encounter at the Bargain Booze Stadium in Wincham.

In the light-hearted manner of the Harlem Globetrotters, Celtic played with their opposition, before delivering a coup-de-grace by allowing Eastwood the space to cross for Parr, and the number 8 to thump the ball into the back of the net. For the rest of the first half, Celtic toyed with the Northwich Victoria Secrets Under 11 reserve girls team, but though they created a few openings they were unable to convert. In a series of events reminiscent of the Key Stone Cops, both Hallows and Eastwood missed empty nets (and from not very far away, either). It was almost as though they were taunting the opposition, but when Dootson came for a cross he would never collect, Garvey wiped the collected superciliousness from the faces of the Celtic-stone Cops, and levelled for Northwich Victoria Secrets Under 11 reserve girls team.

8 minutes later, after Bowker fed Garvey with a well weighted ball, Garvey used the opportunity to put Northwich Victoria Secrets Under 11 reserve girls team ahead.

Only the drooped shoulders hid the headless chickens as Celtic ran around the pitch, but Northwich Victoria Secrets Under 11 reserve girls team were nowhere to be seen, as they spent the last ten minutes watching My Little Pony videos, whilst Celtic could still not score.

It's no laughing matter to see a beloved team struggle against mediocre opposition. It was less of a laughing matter when lead scorer Hallows had to leave the pitch through injury.

There have been changes promised. They will be needed ahead of Whitby on Saturday.

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